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"Excerpts from a
Dog's Diary"
8:00 am -
Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
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"Excerpts
from a Cat's Diary"
Day 983 of my
captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the
other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an
attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit hairballs on the
carpet.
Today
I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts,
since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However,
they merely made condescending comments about what a "good
little hunter" I am. Bastards! Nonetheless, I keep my claws
razor sharp by honing them on the furniture.
Today
I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must
try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are
flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He
is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to
return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an
informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly.
I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have
arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he
is safe. For now ......
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